I wish I could say that after Amelia's miraculous arrival I stayed in that wonderful place of perfect peace and trust, but sadly that's not the case. The day after her birth, recognizing there may be some health concerns associated with Down Syndrome, I got online to see what I could learn (I don't recommend anyone do this the day after giving birth). As I sat looking at the screen, my baby in my arms, tears streamed down my face and my heart filled with fear. Fear of possibly losing my child, fear of entering a world of conventional medicine in which I have no trust, dealing with health issues I have no prior knowledge of or control over was more than I could fathom. How on earth did God think I could handle this?
It grieves me that my faith is so small and that I so quickly forget God's miraculous care and faithfulness. I'm filled to overflowing with gratitude that His love is unconditional. He knows my weaknesses and He loves me in spite of them. He is always ready to lavish me with Grace. God is teaching me to live in a place of dependence and it is one of the hardest but most liberating lessons I've had to learn. I pray that someday it will come naturally to me but for now it's a constant falling down and letting Him pick me back up.
Heb 4:15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.