The story I’m about to share here is not particularly riveting or exciting, but it is the story of a faithful and loving God who graciously and mercifully kept me near to his heart, in spite of myself.
As an infant up for adoption, God chose for me parents who loved Him and
were committed to raising my sister and I to know and love Him as well.
We attended church regularly and I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior
at three yrs of age.
As a young child, I had a great desire to share God's love with everyone. I had dreams of one day becoming a missionary and
serving God overseas. I had no idea then just how blessed I was to have
parents who love the Lord or to have grown up in a church with sound
Biblical doctrine. I took so much for granted.
As I grew, I
began to flounder, becoming more uncertain about life. Wondering what
life would have been like for me had I not been adopted. I eventually
rebelled against God and the life my parents wanted for me. My actions
and behaviors were far from anything godly. I believe now that my
mother's prayers were very likely what caused God to preserve and protect
my life the way He did. There is no other
explanation for why I have not had to suffer terrible lifelong consequences for the activities I was involved in during this time.
Regardless of how far I wandered from God's will, the knowledge of who
He was and what He had done for me in sending His Son to die in my place
because of the sins I had committed, never left me and were always a
present, nagging thought in the back of my mind.
I knew something
needed to give; I couldn’t stand the conflict between what I knew God
wanted for me and how I was living. I was too scared to let go and
venture into a new life with Him on my own though. I tried convincing my
friends to believe in God. I thought maybe, if they came on the journey
with me, it would be easier. Sadly nothing about my life at that time
could have caused anyone to want to know the God I claimed to know. My
heart grieves now at the damage I did to His name. I finally decided
to attend a small Bible school in Montana. I’m not sure what I thought I
was getting into but I knew it was where I needed to be.
Oh the poor staff and students there...I
made everyone around me quite miserable when I first arrived! The
conflict within me only grew as I tried hard to hold onto the life I’d
been living while my soul longed to return to a relationship with a Holy
God. One day, a conversation with one of
the students helped me to see that my belief of God’s existence was not
the same as believing IN God and trusting Him as Lord and Savior. I
finally realized the only way to end my inner turmoil was to let go of
the sin I’d been clinging to and cling instead to God. No one could do
this for me or with me; it was a choice that only I could make. The
faith of my parents could not sustain me or make the relationship real
for me; it had to be my very own.
The years since then have brought me closer and closer to God. I love Him with all my heart, although I continue to be a work in progress. He has never let go of me and His
providential hand in my life is nothing less than miraculous. He
truly is my only Source of Strength. My greatest prayer for all who read
this blog is that God would be glorified. I want to share with you my
failures and God's successes so that you
can see His grace at work. I want more than anything for every single
person who reads this to have their own relationship with Him, to know
Him as Lord and Savior. If you are reading this and you do not know
him, please don’t let another minute go by without surrendering yourself
to him. He loves you beyond measure.
God is a Holy God! His
character cannot allow for ANY sin to be in His presence. In order for
us to be in a relationship with Him now or in eternity, restitution must
be paid for our sin. He wants a relationship with us so badly that he
paid this price Himself. He gave His only Son, who has eternally
existed as God with the Father to pay the price of our sin for us.
Rom 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
Rom 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ
Jesus our Lord.
2Co 5:21 For our sake He made Him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.
Now that I am a mother, I appreciate even more the depth of this love. I would gladly give my own life for my children and I think with God's
help I may even be able to give my own life for a stranger, especially
if I knew that stranger would enter eternity without having accepted
God’s salvation. However I could never give my child’s life for someone else. God did though!
Rom 5:7-8 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person--though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die-- but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Please accept Gods gift, it is completely free and the greatest gift you will ever receive!